24/7 God

I don't know what it is, but lately I've just been so unmotivated to read my bible - and this comes after a season (literally, it was during the summer!) of having some unexplicable and unfounded doubts where it was difficult for me to even pray there was such turmoil going on inside me. Every time I tried (to pray) I would end up feeling angry. Again, I really cannot put my finger on anything that would have driven me to feel this way. This "phenomenon" was followed by a renewed surge of excitement for God and his incredible power. So, where am I at today? Let's just say, I have had a few motivating factors to help me out! One of them was an incident at my daughter's school that resulted in some hurt feelings and some rather raw emotion (of course this happens ALL at bedtime!). Now, I like to sleep...but at 5:30 (2 hours before I normally wake up!) the next morning, I really felt prompted to read my bible. I wrestled with the idea for a while and then succumbed. Flipping it open to no passage in particular I began to read about "forgiveness". I was really taken aback... I thought, God you are really into us. Into our kids, into our "stuff". I was so excited, not just because I could still sleep for a bit longer, but that I was able to share with my daughter at breakfast what I had read - before she went to school - before she put up walls and destroyed any remnants of friendship that were remaining. Another factor, not really a factor at all, but since I said I had a couple of factors, I'm calling this one! Sheesh! I decided to put a bible in the car. As I said before, I'm not a morning person, the bible reading thing in the morning is a struggle, as is getting out of bed...however, I do spend quite a bit of time in the car so now, whenever I have to wait in traffic or get to the school a little bit early - I read!!! I've also placed a bible at the table so I can read a few verses before school with the girls. I am feeling the "thirst" and the longing return. I have wrestled with this "doctrine" of morning devotions my entire life and it has left me feeling guilty, frustrated and under a lot of pressure. Perhaps how a "religious" person would feel if they hadn't quite completed all their "to do's". My God is a 24/7 God - why shouldn't I be?!!!